Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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