If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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