i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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