They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
