when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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