he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize