I cannot find my penis.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I puked a lego.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Two words: blizzard sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
