He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
