I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
