the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
