Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize