Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize