Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize