Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
