I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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