Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
that is very illegal...i love you.
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