Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
