shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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