Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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