you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
