I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
