The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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