i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
