4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im at strip club and am horny
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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