he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
