he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
