Your face is a jimmy john
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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