He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
