Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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