drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
