My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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