thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
