Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize