Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
