I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
