whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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