Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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