I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
True strength comes from lack of pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
