Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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