apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
