She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
