Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
