he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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