You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
