I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
