I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
