We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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