she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
