I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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