Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
