Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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