Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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