Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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