if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
