I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
