i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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