Tell her she can't have a vagina
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize