these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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