guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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