Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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