I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
as a side note pls kill me
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