She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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