I think my vagina is haunted
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
