My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
