super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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