There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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