All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
