I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
