Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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