if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
