Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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