You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
