I'm sorry my penis didn't work
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
