She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
