Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
