So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
