One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
