I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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