Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
