Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is my gift to your gina
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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