I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
