My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
