The panties match.
I'll be right there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
