I want to have your abortion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
