I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
