I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
