...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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