yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
