You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
