Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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