If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
