I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
