Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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