he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
