It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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