i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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