When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
