I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
