We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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