She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
