member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
