"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
