i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My vagina is officially offended.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
