So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
