My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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