Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
