Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i think my cat just said my name.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
