addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
