I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
