Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
