I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
