We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize