I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
