you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
