i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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