is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
